Undesirable

Yep, that's what I am.  Or rather, that's what I've been told I am now.  A "friend" that I had known for a couple of years, one that I had been there for throughout the rough times in his life, told me the other day that I was less desirable to good men now that I going to be a single mom.  Oh, and he told me I was deluding myself in thinking that it shouldn't be that way.  Great friend he was.

Okay, I get it.  Most guys aren't going to be interested in a single mom.  And, having been here at Liberty, I've heard the rants about keeping yourself pure, and saying that if you aren't a virgin you're like a glass of water that's been spit in - nobody wants you.  "You're dirty, and used," is what LU students hear.  If you've had sex before, it's like you're a second-rate Christian.

But that's not true.  My sin has not changed who I am.  My identity is the same.  And as a Christian, my identity is found in Christ.  Christ took my sin upon Himself and gave me His perfect righteousness.  So when God looks upon me, and Satan is there pointing the finger saying "Look at her! Look at what she did!" Christ steps in front of me, and says "She's one of mine," and God only sees Him.  I can stand in front of God with my head high because I wear Christ's righteousness and because I have been granted forgiveness and mercy.  Why should I not hold my head high in front of mankind too?

I know who I am.  I am a daughter of the King, the Most High, which makes me a princess.  I am redeemed.  I am a sinner, saved by grace.  And I know the God I serve.  He's not the God of second chances.  Rather, he's the God who always has His arms open to me offering me grace and forgiveness whenever I fail, whenever I sin, whenever I make a mistake, and I turn to him with remorse and repentance.  And you know what?  Instead of pushing me away, and telling me I'm less desirable, He draws me close and reminds me of His love for me.

And so yes, to Christians who don't truly understand what their own depravity is like, and what Christ truly did for them on the cross (and, I would argue, what true love, relationships, and marriage really are all about, i.e., being a Christ-figure and servant to the other person), I am less desirable.  But I take comfort in the fact that there is a young man out there who someday will see me as Christ sees me.  He's out there, I just need to be patient.

(Lord, just pleasseeee don't make me wait until I'm 35 and my kid is in high school.  Please?  *sigh*)